When itcomes toraising children, itisdifficult toagree oncertain matters, especially when there’s avery different way oflooking atparenting. Then the tension can suddenly break, ruining any efforts atkindness and harmony. This isprecisely what happens inthis story between two sisters and their children.
“Myyounger sister and her family, which includes her, her husband, and two kids, were visiting myhusband and meand staying atour home for aweek. Wedon’t live inthe same state. I’ve had kids ofmyown, but they are young adults now and out ofthe house.
Mysister ismuch younger than meand isstill inthe young family stage. We’ve always had apretty close and good relationship despite our age gap.
Mysister does gentle parenting. I’d never heard ofthat before she came tostay withus becauseI guess I’m out ofthe loop since mykids are grown now. She explained tomethat gentle parenting means they don’t dotime out, don’t dogrounding, and soon, but instead, it’s talking about their feelings.”
“Ithought that was abit odd because itsounds like there iszero discipline but didn’t say anything soastonot rock the boat. Until Isaw gentle parenting inaction and was appalled.
During the first two days oftheir stay, her daughter drew onmywalls with crayons, and her son pulled upflowersI had recently planted inmygarden bed and threw arock atmycar parked inthe driveway.
Totop itall off, they both kept constantly pulling mygolden retriever’s hair. Mydog isvery sweet and alittle onthe older side, soshe’s very calm. She never bit, attempted tobite, ordid anything that would harm orspook the kids.”
“Inevery instance, Iwas expecting her orher husband todiscipline the kids. They never did. SoIdid. Oratleast Itried.
Just metelling her kids tostop, orscolding them inthe slightest, made mysister lose her mind. She told meitwas not myplace todiscipline them. Itold her someone had tobecause they were messing upmyhome, butI agreed itshould betheir parents scolding them, however, itseems their parents were not willingto.
Itold her they need afairly stern punishment for what they’ve been doing, and she started going off about how they refuse tospank their kids like wewere spanked askids. Itold her I’m not suggesting she spank her kids, but astern talking toand making them clean upwhat they destroyed would beagood idea.
She said what her kids were doing was not worth whatI would call discipline. All she did inevery instance was asking them, ’What kind offeelings are you having that made you dothat?’ And that wasit.”
“SoIrealized this behavior was not going tostop and myhusband andI told them they need tofind ahotel orgohome. Even though wehad planned for them tostay afull week, wecouldn’t handle more than two days because ofthe gentle parenting.
Itold her that gentle parenting isgoing tocause her kids tohave avery hard life and rude awakening someday, probably even jail time. Now she won’t speak tome, and our mom says I’m inthe wrong for kicking them out when they planned onstaying longer.”
Tips for avoiding family tensions when itcomes toraising children.
- Establish clear and respectful boundaries from the beginning: Before avisit orstay-over, itishelpful tohave acalm and frank discussion about the house rules and what isexpected ofchildren’s behavior. Clarifying beforehand what isallowed and what isnot can avoid misunderstandings and resentment.
- Avoid judging orimposing parenting methods: Every family raises their children differently, and although itcan bedifficult, itisimportant not todirectly criticize each other’s decisions. Instead ofsaying “That’s wrong”, you can ask: “Can Ihelp you?” or“What doyou usually dointhese cases?”
- Nurture the relationship over disagreement: Remember that the family bond ismore valuable than aone-off argument. Ifadifference arises, itisbetter topostpone the conflict and talk about itatacalmer time. Sometimes itisbetter togive alittle toprotect the relationship inthe long run.
Itcan bestressful and overwhelming tochoose whether you should bestrict orlenient with your kids. Here are 4common parenting types and how they can affect your kid inthe future.
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